A university email address that found its way onto multiple spam lists is a gift that just keeps on giving. It gives spam. Or, in this case, it gives me another installment of Spamlysis. Which is now a thing.
The spam in question (it's a long one, so just skim over and I'll present a summary):
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
FBI-Washington Field Office
601 4th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20535
Website: www.fbi.gov
DATE:09/05/2011
It has been discovered that your contract/inheritance/winning FUND was about being transferred to an unknown account under your name.This attempt was perpetrated by someone who claims to be working for you, and that you have given him due authority to have the FUND moved to the account specified below:
SOUTHWESTERN FEDERAL CREDIT UNION
WESCORP 924 OVERLAND COURT
SAN DIMAS, CA 91772. USA.
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 322682133
ABA/ROUTING NUMBER: 1211-71-41-8
SHARETYPE NO.: 35
FINAL CREDIT JOHNSON FENZI AND CO. (Beneficiary).
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (F.B.I.) waded in after being alerted by the supposed bank. We investigated and found that there is a possible money laundering activity in play.The FUND US$10,500,000.00(Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) was found to be deposited in Bank of America in your name pending your consent to have it transferred to the new account indicated above. It was further revealed that initial FUND transfer originated from Nigeria to England and now here in Bank of America in USA.
These transfers did not follow due process in line with the international FUND transfer rules and regulation.Consequently,we suspect this be a terrorism funding, drug related fund deposit and/or money laundering. As stated above, the FUND has your name on it; and you must have it cleared of any connection with any of these illegal activities.Be informed that FAILURE to have this cleared out will attract a JAIL TERM.We will not hesitate to visit the full weight of the law upon you if you do not clear this fund.There is every indication that you are involved in this shady deal.
Finally, you are expected to have the CLEARANCE DOCUMENT obtain from where the FUND originated from to have you and your fund cleared. Only then shall we release your FUND as clean money devoid of any illegality, and you will be free of any involvement. To this end,you are to contact Mr. Henry Evans of the Anti Graft Department of Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (E.F.C.C.) Nigeria and have the DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL of TRANSFER (DIST) CLEARANCE DOCUMENT obtained. Contact him through this direct email: efccantigraftdept11@gmail.com ,Direct Line:+234 8134348502.Note that you have 72hrs to obtain this crucial Documentation.
This has to be cleared!
You are warned!
Faithfully Yours
Robert S. Mueller III
FBI Director
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
FBI-Washington Field Office
601 4th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20535
www.fbi.gov
Essentially, it's an elaboration of the standard Nigerian prince spam, with the added twist being that if I don't respond, the FBI will assume that I'm involved in a terrorist-related money laundering scheme, and prosecute accordingly. In other words, it adds a stick to the existing carrot. It's an interesting twist, but I think it goes too far in complicating the issue. The hook of the Nigerian scam is that it plays on people's willingness to "pull one over" on the poor Nigerian prince by accepting a deal that is more favorable to the addressee than the prince. The FBI tact draws attention to the underhanded nature of the scheme. The FBI thinks it's shady? Of course they do--that's because it's obviously shady whenever someone offers you millions of dollars for nothing. By drawing attention to this aspect so clearly, it may put off those it sought to entice. Rather, I'd argue that the better approach would be to go all stick: acknowledge that Nigerian scam is just a scam, but that the addressee has been implicated in it, and must give out all their personal information to clear their name. Either way, it hinges on the notion that invoking the FBI is a good thing to do, which may not be the case when you're employing an Internet scam the FBI would probably be very interested in.
Three points of fine rhetoric:
1) Nigeria does, indeed, have a Department of Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, but there's no word on whether their anti-grafting wing is vigilant enough to be up for the job.
2) I like the use of capitalized words. They form a nice bulletpoint summary: FUND, FUND, FUND, FUND, FAILURE, JAILTERM, CLEARANCE DOCUMENT, FUND, FUND, DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL of TRANSFER (DIST) CLEARANCE DOCUMENT.
3) They're using the actual director of the FBI, which is its own level of chutzpah. But I'm not sure he sends out these emails personally. No word on whether Mr. Henry Evans is still with the Nigerian group, but according to Google, he is the recipient of the 2000 World Champion award in Card magic.
Later Days.
