My roommates asked me recently if graduates focusing in game studies can claim videogames as an expense on their taxes. It is a good question. I've certainly claimed textbooks before, and I've certainly bought a lot of games, and spent a lot of time doing some rather close analyses of them. It's especially of interest to me of late because I recently made a rather expensive purchase: I bought a PlayStation 3.
And my reasoning--or at least my justification--was based mostly on academic reasons. Considering what I'm interested in in game studies, the PS3 has the most attractive exclusive games: Uncharted for the cinematic storytelling, Heavy Rain for the same, the procedural rhetoric of Tokyo Jungle, Ni No Kuni, which looks absolutely beautiful, some Atlus RPGs, for their game mechanics... It was definitely a purchase made with the question "what do I need to be aware of in game studies?" in mind.
The unfortunate consequence is that, as a direct result of purchasing the thing, I've staying up relatively late. (On the upside, I've unlocked the Pig class in Tokyo Jungle.) And because of meetings this week (which seem to keep popping up despite my personal commitment to hermitdom), I've had to be on campus very early. The result is that I'm in sort of a fugue state. And, being an academic, my first response is to analyze it. I can still think, I can still do my readings and writings and so forth, but it all takes a lot longer. And there's a weird pause whenever anyone tries to get my attention, though once I'm in the conversation, I'm mostly fine. But at the same time, I get the feeling I'm saying things slightly differently, that the thoughts are coming out a little more confused than usual, that I'm saying a bit more than I would otherwise. Maybe that's why I don't have many "personal" tagged posts these days--I was sleeping too well to be un-circumspect.
Part of what's been keeping up and trying to focus is a proposal for a book chapter, which forced me down some scholarly channels this month that were a little upstream. I don't know if it'll be accepted--I feel I went a little too light on the sources--but I think the idea I came up with is worth writing, even I need to do it on a different venue. For a little taste, it was going to be a paper that combined a close study of Catherine for the Xbox 360 and Planescape: Torment for the PC, one of my dream pairings.
I'm rambling a little tonight. Think I'll turn in.
Later Days.
Showing posts with label sleep deprivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep deprivation. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
"Not cool, man. Not cool."
Holy bananas. I thought, four hours or so ago, I would be in for a weird day. I had no idea. It isn't even seven yet, and I already feel like I've crossed into some weird Twilight Zone equivalent of actual reality.
But first, a brief preface. Over the years, I have complained a lot about my body on this blog. But this is a two way street, and I have to admit, as much as my body has failed me, I have not treated it that well either. Lungwise, having never smoked, I think things are pretty good; the worst thing I've done to my body in that regard is move to southern Ontario, to which it responding by becoming asthmatic at the tender age of 26. Liver-wise, I would like to think we're on reasonably good terms as well, as I never picked up the drinking habit till about 25 or so, and even then, I rarely drink to excess (twice a month, tops). Eating--eating is not so good. I am pretty bad with the eating part. But the real kicker, more often than not, is bio-rhythm. I cannot, for the life of me, keep a good sleep schedule. I'll go to bed at midnight and wake up at 7 a few days, then I'll stay up till 4 am and wake up at noon.
Long weekends are particularly bad, as I always fall into a habit that just isn't sustainable for normal weekday conditions. So when I tried to lurch myself straight from a few days of the late night-noon to 11 pm to six am, my body responded with a "not cook, man. Not cool," and kept me tossing and turning the rest of the night. Then, when six am rolled around, it went to another tactic. "You want to be awake?" my body asked. "Fine. You will be the most awake ever." I shot up instantly, packed up my bag, and headed off for school, every synapse snapping, every muscle twinging. My brain is going a mile a minute now, and even while writing this blog post, I had to stop every few sentences, and stare wildly into space while my hands catch up to wherever my head is.
And while I don't feel tired, I can feel tired stalking me. It's as if Exhaustion is some giant prehistoric beast, and I'm in the woods armed with a rather unpointy stick. I'm gazing into the future right now, and all I see is that today holds a lot of coffee, a collapsing at my desk, or both. The worst thing about being in academics--for me, at least--is that I can never entirely turn it off. At one point last evening, for example, I reasoned that if I couldn't sleep, I might as well be doing something useful. So I spent an hour reading a blog on game design. Then, surprise, I had a series of very bizarre dreams on game design. I can't escape it. But the best thing about being in academics, from a grad student's point of view, is that while you're never not working, the work is flexible. I've got nothing scheduled today but a meeting at 2:30, so a collapse is possible, if necessary.
I'm kind of hoping it isn't necessary. If I fell asleep in the office today, there's no telling what dreams my body will set upon me. Because if there's one thing the last few hours has taught me, it's that it's a vengeful creature.
Later days.
But first, a brief preface. Over the years, I have complained a lot about my body on this blog. But this is a two way street, and I have to admit, as much as my body has failed me, I have not treated it that well either. Lungwise, having never smoked, I think things are pretty good; the worst thing I've done to my body in that regard is move to southern Ontario, to which it responding by becoming asthmatic at the tender age of 26. Liver-wise, I would like to think we're on reasonably good terms as well, as I never picked up the drinking habit till about 25 or so, and even then, I rarely drink to excess (twice a month, tops). Eating--eating is not so good. I am pretty bad with the eating part. But the real kicker, more often than not, is bio-rhythm. I cannot, for the life of me, keep a good sleep schedule. I'll go to bed at midnight and wake up at 7 a few days, then I'll stay up till 4 am and wake up at noon.
Long weekends are particularly bad, as I always fall into a habit that just isn't sustainable for normal weekday conditions. So when I tried to lurch myself straight from a few days of the late night-noon to 11 pm to six am, my body responded with a "not cook, man. Not cool," and kept me tossing and turning the rest of the night. Then, when six am rolled around, it went to another tactic. "You want to be awake?" my body asked. "Fine. You will be the most awake ever." I shot up instantly, packed up my bag, and headed off for school, every synapse snapping, every muscle twinging. My brain is going a mile a minute now, and even while writing this blog post, I had to stop every few sentences, and stare wildly into space while my hands catch up to wherever my head is.
And while I don't feel tired, I can feel tired stalking me. It's as if Exhaustion is some giant prehistoric beast, and I'm in the woods armed with a rather unpointy stick. I'm gazing into the future right now, and all I see is that today holds a lot of coffee, a collapsing at my desk, or both. The worst thing about being in academics--for me, at least--is that I can never entirely turn it off. At one point last evening, for example, I reasoned that if I couldn't sleep, I might as well be doing something useful. So I spent an hour reading a blog on game design. Then, surprise, I had a series of very bizarre dreams on game design. I can't escape it. But the best thing about being in academics, from a grad student's point of view, is that while you're never not working, the work is flexible. I've got nothing scheduled today but a meeting at 2:30, so a collapse is possible, if necessary.
I'm kind of hoping it isn't necessary. If I fell asleep in the office today, there's no telling what dreams my body will set upon me. Because if there's one thing the last few hours has taught me, it's that it's a vengeful creature.
Later days.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
And miles to go before I... something... something... good night, folks.
Some bullet points conveying my current status:
--Sweet llama of the Bahamas, I'm tired. This one's important, because it flavors what follows. In preparation for the class I start teaching next week, I'm taking steps this week to slowly adjust my sleeping schedule. The first two days went tolerably, but right now, I'm somewhere between "dozing while awake" and "near comatose." The only thing that's granting me any satisfaction is the knowledge that doing this next week would be much, much worse.
--Happy Birthday, Mom! Well, actually, yesterday was my mother's birthday. I phoned her up and we chatted for a bit. Without getting into details, it reminded me how lucky I am to have the family I do and how I should talk to them more.
--No, student, YOU are it! I was torn on what to do for my first class next week. I like to do some sort of meeting exercise in the first class, but I also wanted to relate it to the course's actual subject, digital media studies. I think I stumbled on a way today. I've been reading Richard Coyne's book, The Tuning of Place, which, among other things, joins spatiality with pervasive media using the metaphor of tuning. I'm going to borrow his discussion of tagging to get the students to create "tags" for each other. The details need a little hammering out, but I feel like the core idea is here now.
--Here comes the new group, same as the old group.Sometimes, in all the hustle of undergraduate Frosh Week, we forget that it's Frosh Week for graduate students too. Specifically, after orientation today, the new grad students in our department are herded into a bar with the promise of bonding and social mixing. I went briefly today to get to know them, met a few, and went home. I meant to stay till the end, but honestly, I am so exhausted I couldn't do it. It's strange; this is my fourth "orientation" point, and I remember them being anxiety-ridden. The first time around, it was the "stranger in a strange land" thing, where I didn't know anybody. The next time, it was the awkwardness of how to present myself after I'd just spent a year getting comfortable with the people I knew. This time--it was just something I did. I met a bunch of people who seem perfectly nice, I may or may not get to know them better, and I left with a tired but pleasant glow. Maybe I've become jaded, and no longer put forth the same effort to get to know the newbies. Maybe I've become more socially broadened, and grown more efficient at breaking the ice and subsequent small talk. Or maybe I was just too tired to care one way or other.
Actually, it's probably that last one. They still seem like good people, though.
Later Days!
--Sweet llama of the Bahamas, I'm tired. This one's important, because it flavors what follows. In preparation for the class I start teaching next week, I'm taking steps this week to slowly adjust my sleeping schedule. The first two days went tolerably, but right now, I'm somewhere between "dozing while awake" and "near comatose." The only thing that's granting me any satisfaction is the knowledge that doing this next week would be much, much worse.
--Happy Birthday, Mom! Well, actually, yesterday was my mother's birthday. I phoned her up and we chatted for a bit. Without getting into details, it reminded me how lucky I am to have the family I do and how I should talk to them more.
--No, student, YOU are it! I was torn on what to do for my first class next week. I like to do some sort of meeting exercise in the first class, but I also wanted to relate it to the course's actual subject, digital media studies. I think I stumbled on a way today. I've been reading Richard Coyne's book, The Tuning of Place, which, among other things, joins spatiality with pervasive media using the metaphor of tuning. I'm going to borrow his discussion of tagging to get the students to create "tags" for each other. The details need a little hammering out, but I feel like the core idea is here now.
--Here comes the new group, same as the old group.Sometimes, in all the hustle of undergraduate Frosh Week, we forget that it's Frosh Week for graduate students too. Specifically, after orientation today, the new grad students in our department are herded into a bar with the promise of bonding and social mixing. I went briefly today to get to know them, met a few, and went home. I meant to stay till the end, but honestly, I am so exhausted I couldn't do it. It's strange; this is my fourth "orientation" point, and I remember them being anxiety-ridden. The first time around, it was the "stranger in a strange land" thing, where I didn't know anybody. The next time, it was the awkwardness of how to present myself after I'd just spent a year getting comfortable with the people I knew. This time--it was just something I did. I met a bunch of people who seem perfectly nice, I may or may not get to know them better, and I left with a tired but pleasant glow. Maybe I've become jaded, and no longer put forth the same effort to get to know the newbies. Maybe I've become more socially broadened, and grown more efficient at breaking the ice and subsequent small talk. Or maybe I was just too tired to care one way or other.
Actually, it's probably that last one. They still seem like good people, though.
Later Days!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Home Safe
I'm sure everyone was waiting for the resolution with bated breath; I'm finally back in my apartment. Kudos again to my very understanding landlady. In total, I've been locked out and awake for the past 30 straight hours. It's been kind of an enlightening experience: I'm so out of it that I can't muster up any emotion regarding the situation other than a sort of wry humor. It's just too much energy to get upset. (And considering that replacing the English department keys took 3 more trips back and forth between buildings than it should have thanks to some bureaucratic slip-ups, I showed some impressive sangfroid.)
Even though I didn't get a wink of sleep, the night itself was amazingly productive. I finished all the marking I had with me, I read a half dozen or so recaps of Gossip Girl on televisionwithoutpity.com (honestly, the poster's analysis is pretty much a piece of literature in itself), I found a promising paper for my Mandeville essay, I chatted briefly with a friend online, I finished the daily Killer Sudoku puzzle, and I read a chapter or two of a few scholarly books and about half of Iain Banks' Bridge. It's not quite sci-fi, it's not quite surreal, and it sure as hell doesn't fit any other casual category (unless, and pardon my French, you consider "mindfuck" a category. In which case it's the prototype.). More on that (maybe) when I finish it.
So, yeah, as far as these things go, it was a fairly productive 10 hours between nine and seven. Not the usual nine and seven I associate with productivity, but there you go.
As a matter of interest, U of _______ has a much more active night life than U of Someplace Else. I'm not talking about the bar hoppers or the janitor force (they're about the same, or at least, I'd imagine they'd be the same if U of Someplace Else was closer to more bars). At about 11 or so, I headed down to the Math building's lounge, which I knew was full of comfy couches and such. And I was not alone. There were people sleeping, people working, and people talking all night long, from 11 till four, when I went back to a different building so I could use the computer lab. And while it was nice to just be around people, it was also nice to be specifically around good old, introverted, of course we're up at 3:00 am Math people. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I did my BA in mathematics and english. So much of the mathematics has faded away--I doubt I could tell a Hermitian from a Hamiltonian these days--but I still feel like there's some connection between me and my mathematical bretheren. I imagine it says a lot about me that I find math, of all things, as this enticing, romantic subject, but I guess that's the road not taken for you. At the same time though, I've done enough near grad-level math research to know I really, really don't want to do grad-level math research. For now, I'm where I belong.
And now that I can get into my apartment, that's true in more ways than one.
Later Days.
Even though I didn't get a wink of sleep, the night itself was amazingly productive. I finished all the marking I had with me, I read a half dozen or so recaps of Gossip Girl on televisionwithoutpity.com (honestly, the poster's analysis is pretty much a piece of literature in itself), I found a promising paper for my Mandeville essay, I chatted briefly with a friend online, I finished the daily Killer Sudoku puzzle, and I read a chapter or two of a few scholarly books and about half of Iain Banks' Bridge. It's not quite sci-fi, it's not quite surreal, and it sure as hell doesn't fit any other casual category (unless, and pardon my French, you consider "mindfuck" a category. In which case it's the prototype.). More on that (maybe) when I finish it.
So, yeah, as far as these things go, it was a fairly productive 10 hours between nine and seven. Not the usual nine and seven I associate with productivity, but there you go.
As a matter of interest, U of _______ has a much more active night life than U of Someplace Else. I'm not talking about the bar hoppers or the janitor force (they're about the same, or at least, I'd imagine they'd be the same if U of Someplace Else was closer to more bars). At about 11 or so, I headed down to the Math building's lounge, which I knew was full of comfy couches and such. And I was not alone. There were people sleeping, people working, and people talking all night long, from 11 till four, when I went back to a different building so I could use the computer lab. And while it was nice to just be around people, it was also nice to be specifically around good old, introverted, of course we're up at 3:00 am Math people. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I did my BA in mathematics and english. So much of the mathematics has faded away--I doubt I could tell a Hermitian from a Hamiltonian these days--but I still feel like there's some connection between me and my mathematical bretheren. I imagine it says a lot about me that I find math, of all things, as this enticing, romantic subject, but I guess that's the road not taken for you. At the same time though, I've done enough near grad-level math research to know I really, really don't want to do grad-level math research. For now, I'm where I belong.
And now that I can get into my apartment, that's true in more ways than one.
Later Days.
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