Friday, June 17, 2011

Dragon Week 5: Quasi-fantasy settings say thedarndest things

All right, I'll admit it: this one's going to be a bit of a cheat. When I previously said that I liked the game's dialogue choice system, a large part of that fondness came from not just the choices, but the game's dialogue. I know there are dissenting opinions, but I greatly enjoyed the game's writing, particularly in terms of the banter between my party members as we wandered around the city of Kirkwall and surrounding areas. So because I don't want to think up anything actually original, here's 500 words or so of my favorite conversational gambits:

Merrill: I heard Varric saying you were a Grey Warden.

Anders: I was.

Merrill: I met a warden once. Back in Ferelden. Duncan, I think his name was. Very odd man.

Merrill: He had a marvelous beard, though. I'd never seen one before. I thought a squirrel had grabbed him by the chin.

* * *

And a lot of it is dependent on previous choices:

If Hawke romanced Merrill but also slept with Isabela

Anders: Hawke was a fool to let you move in. You'll only betray him/her. That's all your kind can do.

Merrill: Why do you only do this to me? Are you jealous? You never get upset about Hawke and Isabela.

Anders: You can't really get jealous because someone sleeps with Isabela. It's just...understood.

Anders: She's like a side dish. She comes with the meal.

If Isabela is in the party

Isabela: Only if it's a good meal.

* * *

Merrill: Thank you very much for the help earlier, Varric!

Varric: You made it back to the Alienage in one piece, then?

Merrill: I don't know how I wound up in Darktown. There are just too many corners in Kirkwall.

Varric: Still got that ball of twine?

Merrill: I left it at my house. Don't worry! I won't get lost while we're following Hawke.

Varric: Bring it next time, Daisy. Just in case.

I had a friend complain that the idea that Merrill finds her way through the city with a ball of twine completely implausible—merchants would trip over it, people would slice it, urchins would steal it, and so forth. I sympathize with the complaint, but on the other hand, I’m not really looking for 100% realism in my elf-ridden fantasy game with dragons, dwarves, and demons.

* * *

Isabela: You have such pretty hair. What a lovely color.

Aveline: Other children used to laugh at me for having ginger hair.

Isabela: Really? Aww. I bet you were cute. Did you have pigtails?

Aveline: Sometimes.

Isabela: How precious! Little Aveline, running around the village with her flaming orange pigtails streaming behind her...

Isabela: ...and little boys all scattering and screaming for mercy as she approached.

Aveline: Shut up, whore.

* * *

Aveline: How are you so successful with men? You're not that pretty.

Isabela: Cast a wide enough net, and you're bound to catch something.

Aveline: (Laughs) At least you're willing to admit it.

Isabela: Trust me. I've heard, "Get away from me, you pirate hag!" more times than I care to count.

Aveline: Doesn't that bother you?

Isabela: Why should it? They don't know me. I know me.


Aveline: You're right.

Isabela: About?

Aveline: About knowing who you are.

Aveline: I'm the captain of the guard. I'm loyal, strong, and I don't look too bad naked.

Isabela: Exactly. And if I called you a mannish, awkward, ball-crushing do-gooder, you'd say...?

Aveline: Shut up, whore.

Isabela: That's my girl.

I think the Aveline/Isabela partnership is either the most complicated relationship since the Bowser/Mario team-up in Mario RPG. That, or more probably, there isn’t a single woman on the Dragon Age writing staff.

All quotations have been “borrowed” from the Dragon Age Wiki, your one-stop center for all information relating to Dragons, Ages, or any combination thereof. Later Days.

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