Two quick, largely pointless, anecdotes:
First: I was walking through the U of Blank's rough equivalent of an Arts building, when I was approached by a young girl. She explained that she was taking advantage of her sociology professor's "late paper" policy to submit her paper, well, late, but she was afraid to return the paper in person, lest he associate her physical appearance with the name. To that end, she asked me to submit the paper for her. Since I'm a sucker for a good story, (and let's be honest, a pretty face) I agreed. So I took the paper and wandered around sociology a bit with a bemused look on my face. Now, either sociology professors here are the most congenial people in the world, or my "bemused" look is pretty identical to my "confused as hell" look, because I got three different people wondering whether I needed further direction. Finally, through their help, I ascertained that the professor in question wasn't actually there at the moment, but he had arranged for a nearby colleague to collect the term papers for him. Consequently, not only were both teacher and student operating through proxy, his use of a proxy canceled out her need for one. So I handed off the paper, and reported back.
It's probably best for her that I didn't get to see the professor in question, because I was totally going to refer to myself as a drug mule, which would neatly defeat her purpose of not attracting attention.
Second story: After this transaction was complete, I returned to my original task, selecting an item from the 2nd floor vending machine. After much deliberation, I went with the NEW! Flave-red Starburst pack, which features strawberry, watermelon, cherry, and fruit punch. The final fruit punch flavor, as the picture helpfully suggests, is a mix of strawberry, watermelon, and cherry. I can imagine how that product brainstorming session went:
Jerry: You wanted to see me, boss?
Boss: Yes, yes. What's the hold up on the new Flave-red package? The boys in marketing say it's gold, but we need to get the product out!
Jerry: Well, we're having trouble on that final flavor. We just can't find the right red fruit. We're currently field-testing apples, raspberry, and--bear with me on this, it's a bit of a stretch--plum.
Boss: Field-tests? Jerry, this project's over budget and out of time. We can't wait around for a bunch of field tests. Just lump all the other flavors together and call it "Fruit Punch."
Jerry: But boss, we can't do that. It's lazy, and derivative. Our public deserves better.
Jerry is fired for not being a team player, and the boss receives a bonus for finishing the project understaffed.
I should totally write for the Office. Or Dilbert. Is the job of writing Dilbert open?